Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
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Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
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i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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