you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
