problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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