where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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