the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
