"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
