wakey wakey hands off snakey
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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