awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
