Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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