Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
