I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
