Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
BRING THE BAGELS
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
