My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize