You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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