they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
