Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She bit a glass in half.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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