I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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