There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
