Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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