If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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