we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
