I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
