when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
