broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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