Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
