Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
