she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Randomize
