apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
