Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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