do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We got so high we made milksteak
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
