So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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