Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
