ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
