I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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