HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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