Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
