On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
