remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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