Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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