she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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