I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
