just come out here and I will go home with you...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
