I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
