In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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