I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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