we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
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