A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
