if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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