Define "chronic" masturbator.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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