2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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