did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
