the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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