I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize