please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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