Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
