Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
