How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
