it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
