He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
