i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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