My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
