We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
