you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
