You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
